Out of the Mouth....

(Totally unrelated photo)
(This is what happens when Mommy tries to stretch out the time before Nona's nap.)

It has been a LONG time since I posted any "Out of the Mouth...." posts. It's not because the kids have quit saying the most profound and sometimes hilarious things..... I have just not taken the time to write them down. Bad Mommy.
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My parents sent me a vintage child's apron. It is pure white, big pockets, even has the little tag from the Ben Franklin store still attached. As I tied it around my so-not-child-sized-waist, Reid turned to me and asked,
"What's THAT, Mom?"
"An apron," I answered.
Wyatt looked rather dubiously at me and commented,
"That's not an apron! That's what Indians use to hide their penis!"

(sorry for the graphic language, but with two veterinarians in the house, correct anatomic nomenclature is just common language)
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Reid was telling me how at lunch if you are the last kid at your table, the lunch monitor will move you to another table with all the rest of the slow eaters.
I asked him, "So, are you usually the last kid at your table to finish your lunch?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Why are you the last one done eating?" I asked. "You don't have THAT much food in your lunch."
He thinks for a few seconds and replies, "I have a small mouth."
I just look at him --trying very hard not to burst out laughing.
"I know, I know," he continues, "When I am talking I have a BIG mouth, but when I am eating I have a SMALL mouth."
Now I really AM laughing.
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The morning after a night spent crying and thrashing around for several hours, I was holding Walter in my arms, reading books.
After the book was finished, I turned him to me and asked, "Did you have bad dreams last night?"
He looked up at me very earnestly, his face inches from mine and replied, "Yes."
Not sure I want to know the answer, I ask, "What were your bad dreams about?"
He gazed at me for a few seconds, I could tell he is trying to gather his thoughts.
Finally, he said, "Your nose."
Always the comic, that one. We had a good belly laugh. And yes, my nose sometimes scares me, too!
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Out of the Mouth...

Daddy was having a rough day at work. Wyatt asked, "Mom, what's wrong with Daddy?" As tactfully as I can I say, "Daddy is in a bad mood because he is having a rough day." Wyatt thinks on that a while then says, "Mom, why is Daddy a bad nude?" I have absolutely no comment for that one!
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"Mom, who is the cutest girl in the world?" asks my oldest boy. "Well, Baby Nona of course!" replies the totally unbiased Mom. Not really sure if I am ready for the answer I ask him, "Who do you think is the cutest girl in the world?" He thinks a micro-second and then replies as any good ladies' man would, "All of the girls in the world are the cutest girls." Hmmmmm......... I see trouble brewing.
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Overheard while getting ready to swim. Wyatt doesn't want to put his swim trunks on and Big brother has to share his wisdom. "Wyatt, don't you know -- if you don't wear swim trunks -- the crawdads might pinch your penis off and the little fish might swim up your butt." Now if that doesn't put the fear in him, I don't know what will!!!



PS -- sorry you have to endure the "Pray for the Fish" song -- I put it up for a few days for the boys.

Out of the Mouth....

Overheard from the other room. "Who STINKS?!!!!" asks the oldest stinker. "Not me," says the middle stinker. "Not ME!" rejoins the oldest stinker, "Must be Walter. Walter are you poopy?" Appropriate amount of time passes for a diaper check. "Nope, he's not poopy," says the oldest stinker. "Must be a skunk!" exclaims the middle stinker. "You know, there are skunks around here now." (Yes, three of them.)
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"Mom, are we late?" asks Reid. "Yes, Reid we are late, again. Consistency, my son, consistency --that's what counts. At least Mom is consistent." Blank stare. I don't think he agrees.
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While weeding the flowers Wyatt asked, "Mom, do the flowers close their eyes at night?" I replied, "Well Wyatt, the flowers don't exactly have eyes."
"Yes they do!" exclaimed Wyatt very indignantly, "The white ones do!" Ok, maybe I'm missing something here --imagination--or maybe he knows something I don't?

Out of the Mouth....

Reid said, "Mom, what is Memorial Day?"
"It is a day when we remember people who have died," I replied. "Well, I am thinking of Abraham Lincoln," he quickly replied.
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Wyatt said, "Mom, I like flowers. Flowers are a lot prettier than troodons." I'd have to agree with him on that one. If you don't have a boy--you will have to look it up.
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Reid and Wyatt were getting ready to go swimming in the water trough with the resident gold fishes. Reid said, "Now Wyatt, make sure you go pee before we get in the water because if you pee in the water, it might make the fish allergic." Allergic to what -- pee?

Out of the Mouth....

Grandpa Meek sent the boys some colorful polished rocks awhile back. Recently I tried to explain to Reid about how the stones are tumbled and polished. Reid asked, "So Mom, you mean the rocks go round and round until they are sick and then they turn different colors?" I smiled.
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On the way home from preschool, Wyatt commented, "Mom, how come Reid always beats me at birthdays? I wish I had comed out first." Translated.... "Mom, how come Reid is always older than me? I wish I was born first"...in case you didn't understand that. =)
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The deep thinker said, "Mom, what do you think heaven is like?" Not wanting to taint his idea of heaven I simply said, "I don't know, Reid. What do you think heaven is like?"
"Well, I think it is pretty...lots of flowers. And probably lots of dead animals, and hearts, and blood....and hospitals."
"Why hospitals?" I ask him. "Because God needs someplace to fix all the dead people and animals." I guess heaven is a little like a hospital, I hadn't thought of it that way before.

Out of the Mouth....

Reid asked Wyatt, "Are you going to go to kindergarten at my school?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Wyatt.
"No! Don't!" said Reid, "All you get to do is read, read, and more read." Poor Reid, such a hard life.
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Wyatt said on the way home from preschool, "Mom, my hiccups are gone. I sucked the juice out of them and swallowed it down, and now they're gone!" What?
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Overheard from the backseat of the Burban--Reid and Wyatt are fighting....again.
"I'm not your friend anymore Reid," said Wyatt.
"You're not my friend, you're my brother," said Reid rather smugly.
"Well then, I'm not your brother anymore," said a very emphatic Wyatt.
"Well, if you're not my brother then you have to run away," patiently explained Reid.
Wyatt thought for a minute then said, "Oh, alright, I guess I will be your brother then."

Those two have a serious love-hate relationship, heavier on the love side, but still....they have their moments.

Out of the Mouth....

Reid and Wyatt are discussing girls.
Reid said, "Two girls said they want to marry me--Kennedy and Eden."
"I have two girls that want to marry me, too" chimed in Wyatt. (he didn't mention any names.) Reid said, "Oh no! That means we are girl trapped!"
"No, I don't like girls," said Wyatt.
"Oh Wyatt, when you get older you will like girls" said the much older and wiser Reid.
"No I won't!" exclaimed Wyatt.

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Now, before you read any further, please read this post by my friend Betina. (Just click on the red words.)

So, the next morning after I read Betina's blog, I pointed to the picture of Eden and asked Reid, "Have you ever kissed this girl?" Reid can make his face a complete mask of blankness--totally unreadable--for about 5 seconds. Then the red started creeping up his neck and onto his face. He still tried very hard not to change his facial expression, then he just dropped his head to smother his smile. (By then, I can barely control my laughter.) He just nods his head. I ask, "So did Eden kiss Zack?" He nods his head again. I know he is mortified. I am thinking my big boy is growing up too fast, not because he kissed a girl, but because he is already being so selective about what he shares with me.

Needless-to-say, Reid and I had a good conversation about what behaviors are not appropriate, and how he should be treating girls.

Out of the Mouth....

Reid said, "Mom, how come they only have Mom and Dad's day and not Kid's day?" Good question. Life is so unfair.
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Reid said, "Animals are lucky because they get to go potty where ever they want." Again, life is unfair.
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Reid said, "Ben, you want to know something awesome about Mom?" (I am thinking that this should be interesting. Will he say how great his Mom is? or how she makes great mac-n-cheese, or that she colors nicely?) Reid continues, "Did you know that when Mom had all of us in her tummy, she puked all kinds of things--even spaghetti. And you know what? She still eats spaghetti! Isn't that weird?" Gee thanks Reid. But wait, it gets better. "And you know what else? You should feel Mom's tummy. It feels like jelly." Ok, better do some more sit-ups.....er, I mean, better start doing some sit-ups.

Out of the Mouth....

Reid said, "Mom, what if I took Winona to school? Mrs. Johnson would think she was cute, and so would all the other girls." He has already figured out that babies are chick magnets. How old is he?
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Wyatt said as we were walking back from the chicken house, "We need to put these eggs in some place safe so that the wolves, or dangerous bears, or dangerous chickens don't get them." He has some imagination.
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When I asked Wyatt where all his pajamas were disappearing to he said, "I put them in my drawer but the monsters come and take them out." As straight faced as he can Randy asks, "Which monster, Randall or Sully?" (from Monsters, Inc) Without skipping a beat Wyatt replies, "Randall. He steals only clothes, not toys." Maybe he will be a fiction writer someday.

Out of the Mouth....

Wyatt said: "I'm not the Mom--you're the Mom. You're the one that pooped your babies out just like the cows." Good 'ol farmboy education showing--just a little off.
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A friend visiting the boys said, "Guess what? We were playing kick-ball with an egg and it broke." Hmmmm..... Randy would have said, "That poor chicken worked all day to make that egg."
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Reid said with much disdain, "Mom, aren't you glad I'm not a girl. Girls always have to pretend that they are princesses." Poor Winona.
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Walter said about the food all over Winona's face, "Nona's mess." That's kind of the kettle calling the pot black.

Out of the Mouth....

Overheard:
Reid said, "Dad, I feel like I can already drive the truck. All's you gotta do is drive." Hmmm......

Reid said, "I want to be a big tough man like Dad." A little while later, "Mom, I feel like I already am a big man," as he struts around the kitchen with his shirt off.
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Wyatt found some little pink, round beads at a friend's house. "Mom, Look! I have some crocodile eggs! I need to put them in the sink with some water so they can hatch. There is one girl egg and two boy eggs. I will name the girl egg Sierra. We need to get lots of meat 'cause crocodiles eat meat--lots and lots of meat." So now I have a glass of water with some pink beads sitting in the kitchen. I wonder what the gestation period of crocodile eggs is?

Out of the Mouth....

Reid asked the other day, "Mom, how come all the toys say 'Made in China'?"
Mom said, "That's because most of the toys are made in China."
Reid said, "I think we should go to China."
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Reid said (about 100 times this last weekend), "Mom, I missed you so much."
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Wyatt didn't say much, he just gave me lots of long, strong hugs.

Reid's Perspective

"Mom, Walter's burn is like a nightmare, except it is real and not a nightmare."

"Mom, I will be glad when Walter leaves ICU because it is full of hurting and dying people."

"Mom, I miss you. I will be glad when everyone is home again."

Out of the Mouth of Babes...

Last night Reid said, "Mom, I figured it out myself. I used my brain. My brain is smart, but sometimes my mouth is bad."

This morning Wyatt said, "Mom, I yesyewed in the T.V. room and it hurt my brain." (He has always called sneezing "yesyewed"--from "Bless you".)