Pondering the Past and Present

Standing in the present next to Walter's crib, holding his hand and feeling his hair as I comb my fingers through. I hear Winona sucking on her binky as she falls asleep. I see Walter's gentle smile as he enjoys the physical attention. I smell the yummy tomato bisque soup from HMC cafeteria that is waiting for me to eat it (yes they do have some good food). I think back three weeks ago-- fear, turmoil, confusion, pain.

Sitting in the present as my fingers type my thoughts-- I am tired, relieved, scared, but mostly thankful. Thankful to a heavenly father that has allowed us this miracle. Things could have been so much worse. I am not of the belief that if you live a good life, follow God's rules, be as perfect as any person can be that you and your family will escape all sorrow and pain. There are too many good people that experience physical and mental pain for that to be true. I do not pretend to understand God and just exactly how much of each and every detail of every day that he directs. It is a mystery to me. So I am just thankful that I am sitting in a hospital while my little boy heals instead of mourning over a tiny gravestone.

I have found that all the painful things in my life, physical and emotional, have served one purpose: to make it so I can understand another person's pain--empathize. I hope Walter will feel the same way someday.